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A Year Later

On the eve your first birthday I am overcome with emotion. I've practiced in my head what I wanted to say to you tonight, but now that I sat down to write it the words escape me. Honestly, words truly aren't enough. They will never be able to tell you how I felt then or now.


My heart sinks into my stomach as I relive the first days of your life. The hours after your birth were phenomenal. In the comfort of home you showed up unexpectedly.  I felt like a mama warrior welcoming you into this world without any medical assistance. Nowhere in our birth plan was there a hospital, medication or any intervention. Ironic, isn't it? The intense excitement and pride that surrounded your grand entrance was quickly overtaken by fear and instability. Packing you up in the middle of the night to fight the cold was torturous. I was convinced you were fine and that everyone was overreacting. How could there be anything wrong? You were perfect. You are perfect.

A year ago. Sometimes it fee…

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