"All great changes are preceded by chaos." Deepak Chopra

A week in the ICU is different than a week in "real" life. So much can change. It can change daily and hourly even, but a week can start to signify a trend. Last week I spent hours crying over Finn's bedside thinking that he may need additional interventions to get him off the breathing tube and today I am awaiting his extubation. 

Since Sunday he has shown us that he is still fighting and not ready to throw in the towel. After everything he has gone through he is not done. He seems to be past his rejection and infection which is allowing him to make forward progress. Finally. It's almost as if we started over this week, fresh out of transplant. We were on hold before as he battled the blows that just kept coming. 

He has now weaned from two of his pump sedation medications, had his PD cath removed, one chest tube taken out and working on clearing his x-rays in effort to get the breathing tube out. I can hardly believe his progress. The withdrawals don't seem too awful (yet), however he is showing some signs of intolerance to them being taken away. Throughout it all, everything this little man has been through, he still smiles. He knows nothing different than this life that has been imposed on him.

At noon today he will go through a final breathing trial before extubation. Our intensivist this week said "he has passed every test we've thrown at him" so she expects he will do well. She did say that she will not give him a lot of time to fail and if he shows signs he will get his tube back however. I think he can do it. I know he can. This is a big one.

Today I feel lighter than I have in a long time. The fact that we are even trying to extubate speaks to his improvement. I am anxious but excited. Things are changing. Finally. 

Change /CHānj/ verb 1. make or become different.

August 4th, 2017


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