I want daddy and mommy to come home with me....

.... Is what Asher said to me as Ali and him left Mayo Sunday night.  I lost it.  I think some tears that I continually try to hold back leaked out.  I'm not sure why that put me over the edge, but it cut deep.  Being strong is what I strive to do during these times.  It's not always physically possible.  No doubt that I will keep trying to be a rock for my family until we get through this.

Finnegan Moore Olson continues to fight.  Hard.  I can't tell what's been harder.  Before transplant, or after.  It's been a roller coaster of crap the last 10 days.  The kid cannot get a break.  Last Monday, the first day we attempted to wake him up and start recovery, the nurses were baffled as to why a hand full of his numbers were slightly off.  I thought it was just an annoyance and part of the healing process.  It was actually a toxicity caused in his body by a drug.  A pretty rare circumstance that was quickly fixed with removing the drug.  Two days later on Wednesday morning, I arrived in his room and everything looked great.  Around 10:00 am,  I left to the bathroom, when I came back there were 6 people in his room.  Something is wrong.  He's struggling and can't calm and take breaths.  Calcium is low (which is a very bad sign) and numbers are off.   Plan is to do an echocardiogram and check for infection.  Echocardiogram is showing sign of decreased heart function and sign of rejection.  His body is rejecting the heart.  We were warned of this but didn't know the repercussions of it.  Finn seemed to recover fine after the doses of meds to drop his immune.  We are good right?  Heart is good, lungs are okay, but Thursday night his kidneys take a tumble. Ali is with him and I'm home with Asher. Doctors are concerned and can't say for sure he's going to be okay.  1 AM and I'm trying to figure out how to get down to Mayo and the workings of taking care of a 2 year old.  I had to try and sleep on it and figure it out in the AM.  Friday morning Finn is "safe".  Doctors have a plan to get him back on track.  Ok.  Please be the last of this.  Through the weekend he rested and was in recovery mode.

Monday this week, Finn seemed like he was getting better and had a slow day.  Tuesday was great too in the morning.  Well, not so much.  Later in the morning his blood oxygen starts to drop.  The room fills with nurses and doctors and I'm in a panic texting Ali the situation.  Something is wrong... again.  They do an X-ray and find air around the left side of his chest cavity.  An emergency procedure is executed that involves a tube being inserted into his chest to relieve the air.  Again, Finn recovers and he rests.  Wednesday morning the doctors are beginning to be more concerned about his slow respiratory recovery and they are going to do a bronch and a CT scan.   They do a bronch and notice that he has some bleeding in his right lung.  Doctor is baffled.  The results are inconclusive but there is a chance of pneumonia.  We will know more in the morning but we are hoping for the best.  If the case is pneumonia, it's days to weeks recovery.  He will keep fighting.

Normally my posts are very positive and I'm a bid of an optimist.  I apologize for the darkness.  But this is real.  On an optimistic note, Finn will continue to fight.  He's got this.  He has to. He needs to go home with his brother and be held by his parents.  He needs normal baby love.  We will get there, we have to.



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