Saturday with Asher-Man

Finn’s night was pretty uneventful and we haven’t changed anything since early yesterday. Physically he seemed a lot more tired today and even a little pale and sweaty. The NP, nurse, cardiologist and physician all checked on him early on, however no one seemed concerned. “He’s okay, we will keep an eye on him” was the response I continued to get. From my perspective he looked worse, but all of his labs and monitoring was telling us he was doing fine. I was emotional and scared he was dipping again. Dr. Gremmels told me to go home. Be with Asher. I had already planned on spending the day with my big, but I think it was helpful to hear him order me to do it. I am no good to anyone when I am this tired, scared and sad. Plus, Finn clearly needed to rest.

Hanging with Asher rejuvenates me. He is so charming and fun. His imagination and sense of humor inspire me. We didn’t do anything out of the ordinary but it was an extraordinary day for me. We played in the back yard, went to get smoothies, napped, went to the park, read books and snuggled. This mama needed some Asher-man love. He was especially affectionate and was clearly in need of some mama love too. 

He misses his brother though. He asks me when Finnegan is coming home. The other night he told me that he can help his baby brother come home, he will show him how to get here. It’s so sweet. This kiddo was born to be a brother. We need to get that baby home so he can go back to looking out for him. In the meantime I will continue to share my time as best I can. This weather and being able to be outside to run around the park with my big guy definitely was a huge day changer. He is amazing!

I called a few times to check on Finn and all was well in his world. He was mostly resting with some short spurts of awake time. Not much to report and no changes to his care. When I got back to the hospital tonight Finn was stirring. His nurse, Erin, told me he had been so pleasant and happy giving her lots of smiles. What a relief! He woke, smiled and cooed at me. He was genuinely excited to see my face and that felt so good. We talked, I told him about the day with Asher and thanked him for letting me go outside to play with his bro. I also told him about all the fun things we will get to do when we get out of here so he better hurry up. 

April 8th, 2017